The recent furor over the practices of TSA screeners has brought to the forefront the plight of those such as myself.
Invalid and housebound, I never travel.
Being terminally ugly, I have no close friends (of the non-Platonic variety.)
I feel it is my God-given right as an American to have the same access to a good groping as that afforded to those more mobile and vulgar than myself. That some Americans have the opportunity for close interpersonal contact while the rest of us can only watch from the sidelines is blatantly unfair.
I am, therefore, calling on the Administration and all the critters that inhabit the Congress to immediately pass legislation facilitating in-home groping services to be supplied by those kind and friendly employees of the TSA.
Our body cavities will not be ignored!
Signed,
Wormy Turd Houseman III
(I have my own CowBoy hat now! It's furry and felty!)
WE DEMAND OUR LATEX MOMENT!
(And about that Moldy Volvo I'm forced to drive.......)
I applaud your efforts to have your junk touched!
ReplyDeleteWith luck you will succeed, I wish you the very best of groping!
You are a visionary and an inspiration!
hay wormy i,ll touch your junk
ReplyDeletewhere you live i got warm hands
i like to touch
Just make sure the TSA agent uses clean gloves. You don't know where his hands have been, if you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteI'm flying very soon.
ReplyDeleteThe TSA creeps had better leave my socks alone.
A little sympathy, if you please.
ReplyDeleteWhat if you were a TSA employee and Michelle Obama came through?
Or Helen Thomas?
Imagine THAT junk.
Wormy Turd Houseman needs someone to touch his junk.
ReplyDeleteSurely there is compassion enough in the wide blogosphere that some compassionate local blogger will volunteer to go and touch Wormy's junk.
And blog about it, of course.
I just got an email from Wormy.
ReplyDeleteHe has been in contact with a junk toucher!
Details and photos to follow.